When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
