Only a mothe r could love this liver
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So squirting runs in the family.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
