I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
