i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
