i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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