did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
