I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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