Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
