i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
