You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
