what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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