i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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