We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
