So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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