I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
