Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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