quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
