the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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