I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
