What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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