How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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