i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
