It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize