You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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