Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
