so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
