You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
