honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
