You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
