sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
