I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
