It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
