He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
