So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
