One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
