i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
