my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
