we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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