I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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