One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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