god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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