there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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