we have pet lesbian snakes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
