Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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