Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
