I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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