It's like God shit irony all over that family
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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