marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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