New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
