Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
