So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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