I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
