i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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