R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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