i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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