Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
