entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
