He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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