Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
