Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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