you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
