Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
