a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
