I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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