Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
