Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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