You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
