i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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