Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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