You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
