One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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