Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
