It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
