a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
