So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
