I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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