So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
